Savvy Psychologist

8 signs you may depend too much on others

Episode Summary

Had you heard of dependent personality disorder before this episode?

Episode Notes

Last week we discussed hyper-independence and how it can be a hindrance to your life. This week, we're looking at the other end of the spectrum.

Savvy Psychologist is hosted by Dr. Monica Johnson. A transcript is available at Simplecast.

Have a mental health question? Email us at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com or leave a voicemail at 929-256-2191. 

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Episode Transcription

Last week we discussed hyper-independence and how it can be a hindrance to your life. However, I get messages all the time about those on the other end of the spectrum. Those of you who feel you are codependent, those who are filled with self-doubt, who can’t let go of even the tiniest criticism. This week we are going to discuss Dependent Personality disorder. You’ve probably never heard of it and today we are going to change that!

Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist. I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.

One of the reasons why you may not have heard of Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) is that estimates of this disorder are lower than many other Personality Disorders that we’ve talked about previously on this show. A review of six epidemiological studies found a median

prevalence of 0.4%. I need to make a distinction between codependency and dependent personality disorder. It’s important to note that codependency isn’t in the DSM-5-TR which is the basis for the information I’m presenting to you today. Moreover, the pervasive nature of DPD is different from the more focused nature of codependency. Typically, people are codependent in relation to a specific relationship. Those who have DPD will have presentations and symptoms that affect every aspect of their life and relationships. If you’ve ever wondered if you were a part of that group, I am going to review 8 Signs that you might be too dependent on others. 

As always, it’s imperative that you get evaluated by a mental health professional if you find this information feels true for you. Secondarily, you do not need to have everything I include here to reach out for services that could improve your life. The essential feature of dependent personality disorder is a widespread and excessive need to be taken care of by others that often leads to them being clingy and submissive. Those with DPD also often fear separation. These behaviors are designed to elicit caregiving responses from others and support their viewpoint that they are unable to function without reliance on others.

The first criteria I will speak about relates to indecision. Those with DPD have difficulty making daily decisions without an inordinate amount of advice and reassurance from others. For example, are you the type of person who has to get 45 people to sign off on whether or not it’s chilly enough to warrant bringing a jacket? Those with DPD often have difficulty with the micro-decisions that one must make on a daily basis such as what to eat or what to wear. The second criteria relates to responsibility. Those with DPD need others to assume responsibility for many of the major areas of their life. They tend to be passive and open to others taking the power position. Those with DPD are not the go-getter, proactive, problem solving type of person. Making decisions and responsibilities is stressful, particularly when you view yourself as inadequate and incapable of coping with life’s everyday stressors. 

Does the idea of being a naysayer make you break out in hot flashes? Those with DPD have trouble expressing disagreements with others due to their fear of losing approval or support. This is different from those who are in problematic situations where it may be true that they could be shunned in some way by expressing a complaint or differing opinion. Those with DPD will struggle with this even when they are in an obviously supportive environment with people who request open and honest communication. The fourth criteria relates to doing things on your own. If you have dependent personality disorder, you may have difficulty doing independent actions or initiating projects. This is because they lack self-confidence in their decision making or their capabilities, and believe that they can’t get started or finish a task without the help of others. In fact, they often think that someone will do it better than they will because they have convinced themselves that they are wholly inept. Moreover, someone with DPD may even fear gaining skills or appearing as a competent person because they worry they may lose the support they’ve acquired. Consequently, those with DPD may actually avoid learning independent living skills or engage in activities that are meant to be challenging and lead to growth. These behaviors perpetuate dependency on others.

The last few signs relate to interpersonal dynamics and fears. Are you fearful of being alone or worry how you will care for yourself? Those with DPD are uncomfortable with being alone because they feel helpless in caring for themselves. Do you engage in relationship hopping? Those with DPD may urgently seek another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends. For example, they may try to quickly find another romantic partner after a breakup. Additionally, they may be preoccupied with worries about being left to their own devices. They see themselves as so entirely dependent on the advice and help of an important other that they worry about losing the support of that person when there is no evidence to support these fears. 

Finally, those with DPD may go to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support

from others to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant. They can be extraordinarily submissive. They may submit to the desires of others even if those demands are unreasonable. This can lead to imbalanced relationships with others because they may do whatever they can to maintain bonds with those they’ve come to depend on. It’s important to make a distinction here as it relates to abusive relationships. A concept that I’ve made clear to my patients is that even when people don’t have the intention of taking advantage of you, there are circumstances that can be set-up that make it easy for it to occur. For instance, I’ve worked with people who have disclosed to me in session that an aspect of their relationship has been upsetting or harming them for years. When I asked if they had ever mentioned this to their partner, the answer was an impassioned version of “absolutely not.” However, when reviewing relationship dynamics, they were with partners that they felt had their best interests in mind and would be receptive to dialogues. Whether you have DPD or not, no one should needlessly suffer in any relationship, and if people care, they will make reasonable efforts to reduce their negative impact on your life and still want to support and love you. 

Had you heard of dependent personality disorder before this episode? Let me know on Instagram @kindmindpsych. You can also reach out to me via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com, or leave a voicemail at (929) 256-2191‬.