Are we totally out of control or too much in control?
Let's take a look at overcontrolled versus undercontrolled behaviors.
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Do you feel like you have a handle on your emotions? Most of us don’t, but is that because we’re totally out of control or too much in control? Let’s find out together as we look at overcontrolled versus undercontrolled behaviors.
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist. I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
"Overcontrolled coping" is a central concept in Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO DBT). This therapeutic approach, developed by Dr. Thomas Lynch, is designed to help individuals who tend to use excessive self-control and emotional restraint as their primary way of navigating the world. These individuals often find it challenging to express their emotions openly and may struggle with forming and maintaining meaningful connections with others.
To gain a deeper understanding of overcontrolled coping in RO DBT, let's explore this concept in more detail.
Overcontrolled coping refers to a particular style of emotional regulation characterized by the following key traits:
Emotional suppression: Individuals who employ overcontrolled coping tend to suppress or conceal their emotions, even when experiencing intense or distressing feelings. They might hide their emotional reactions from others and, at times, even from themselves. This suppression can become a habitual and automatic response to emotional stimuli.
Social isolation: Overcontrolled individuals often struggle to connect with others on an emotional level. This emotional isolation can result from their inability to openly share their feelings and experiences. Consequently, they may have difficulty forming and maintaining close relationships, leading to feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
Rigidity: People with overcontrolled coping styles often exhibit rigidity and perfectionistic tendencies. They may have high standards for themselves and a preference for structure and predictability. This rigid approach to life can make it challenging for them to adapt to change or be spontaneous, as they strive to maintain a sense of control.
Emotion-Driven Behaviors: Paradoxically, individuals employing overcontrolled coping may experience significant internal emotional distress despite outwardly appearing composed and in control. This internal turmoil can manifest in behaviors such as self-harm, substance abuse, or other maladaptive coping mechanisms as a way to manage their intense emotions.
Limited emotional expression: RO DBT aims to help individuals with overcontrolled coping styles learn to express their emotions more openly and adaptively. This includes recognizing and acknowledging their emotions, finding healthy ways to communicate them, and building connections with others based on emotional authenticity.
Overcontrolled coping can lead to a range of challenges and difficulties in an individual's life.
Interpersonal difficulties: The reluctance to express emotions openly can hinder effective communication and connection with others. This can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and an overall sense of alienation.
Emotional suffering: Internally, overcontrolled individuals often experience emotional distress that remains unacknowledged or unaddressed. This internal turmoil can contribute to conditions such as anxiety, depression, or emotional disorders.
Limited emotional growth: Overcontrolled coping styles can inhibit personal and emotional growth. Individuals may miss out on valuable opportunities for self-discovery, self-acceptance, and personal development because of their rigid emotional control.
Now let’s define undercontrolled coping. "Undercontrolled coping" focuses on individuals who exhibit a tendency toward impulsive and emotionally dysregulated behaviors.
Understanding undercontrolled coping involves recognizing the characteristics, challenges, and therapeutic strategies associated with this coping style.
It tends to be characterized by the following key traits.
Emotional dysregulation: Individuals with undercontrolled coping often struggle to manage and regulate their emotions effectively. They may experience intense emotional reactions that are difficult to modulate or control.
Impulsivity: Undercontrolled individuals are prone to acting on their emotions impulsively, without considering the consequences. This impulsivity can lead to rash decisions and impulsive behaviors that they later regret. Undercontrolled individuals often have difficulty delaying gratification and may seek immediate relief from emotional distress through impulsive actions or substance use.
Emotion-driven behaviors: Individuals with undercontrolled coping may engage in behaviors such as self-harm, substance abuse, reckless driving, or aggressive outbursts as a way to cope with their intense emotions. These behaviors can provide temporary relief but often lead to negative outcomes.
Emotional instability: Undercontrolled coping can result in emotional instability, leading to mood swings and erratic behavior. These fluctuations in emotional states can disrupt relationships and overall well-being.
Undercontrolled coping can result in a range of challenges and difficulties in an individual's life.
Interpersonal conflict: Frequent emotional outbursts and impulsive behavior can strain relationships. People with undercontrolled coping may have difficulty maintaining stable and healthy interpersonal connections.
Emotional suffering: Despite the outward expression of emotions, undercontrolled individuals often experience intense emotional distress. Their emotions may feel overwhelming and uncontrollable, leading to psychological difficulties such as anxiety, depression, and emotional disorders.
Impaired decision-making: Impulsivity can lead to poor decision-making, which can have negative consequences in various areas of life, including finances, relationships, and work.
As you can see, whether you’re over or undercontrolled, it can lead to problems. The key here is to have an understanding of where you fall on this spectrum and how the consequences show up for you. Once you’re able to do that, you can then work on tailoring coping solutions to your own system.
Are you overcontrolled or out of control? Let me know on Instagram @kindmindpsych. You can also reach out to me via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com, or leave a voicemail at (929) 256-2191.