Why do we love extremes, whether it’s thrill-seeking, viral controversies, or black-and-white thinking? Monica breaks down the psychology behind our attraction to intensity and how we can find balance in a world that rewards the extreme.
Why do we love extremes, whether it’s thrill-seeking, viral controversies, or black-and-white thinking? Monica breaks down the psychology behind our attraction to intensity and how we can find balance in a world that rewards the extreme.
Savvy Psychologist is hosted by Dr. Monica Johnson. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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When it comes to human behavior, there's a curious truth: We’re often more drawn to extremes than to the middle ground. The balanced, middle path may be where wisdom supposedly lives, but it rarely excites us. Think about it. We love the thrill of roller coasters, the drama of reality TV, the extremes of success stories, and even polarizing opinions online. But why? What makes extremes so irresistible to us, even when we know that balance might be better for our mental and emotional well-being?
As a psychologist who keeps it real, let me break down the psychological reasons behind this phenomenon. We’ll dive into the science, the social dynamics, and the emotional triggers that make extremes so compelling.
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist, I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
Brains Like Novelty
First off, our brains are wired for novelty. The human brain, specifically the limbic system, craves stimulation. New, intense, or unusual experiences activate the brain's reward system, releasing dopamine—a feel-good neurotransmitter that reinforces pleasure. Extremes, whether it’s an extreme sport or an extreme opinion, deliver that novelty in spades.
Research backs this up. Research on sensation-seeking personalities found that individuals with high sensation-seeking tendencies gravitate toward extreme activities. But even those of us who aren’t jumping out of planes can get hooked on extremes. Social media is a perfect example. Outrageous headlines, radical opinions, and viral trends give our brains a hit of dopamine, leaving more nuanced, balanced content to collect digital dust.
We like the Simplicity of Extremes
Balanced perspectives often require more cognitive effort. Nuance forces us to consider multiple sides, weigh complex information, and tolerate uncertainty. That’s hard work for a brain designed to conserve energy. Extremes, on the other hand, are cognitively easy. Black-and-white thinking requires less effort than the gray areas of life.
I like to call this cognitive ease. When information is simple and clear-cut, we feel more confident in our understanding. Extremes—like "good vs. evil" or "all or nothing"—provide that clarity, even when it oversimplifies reality.
Take political polarization. Research from Pew Research Center shows increasing ideological divides, partly because extreme viewpoints are easier to process than complex, nuanced policies. Our brains naturally latch onto the extremes because they simplify the chaos of the world. However, we know that as human beings things are nuanced and we can hold many truths some of which may appear to be contradictory.
We Like Emotional Intensity
We don’t just think in extremes—we feel in extremes, too. Emotionally intense experiences create stronger memories and deeper engagement. Psychologist Daniel Kahneman’s work on the "peak-end rule" demonstrates that people remember the most intense moments of an experience (the peaks) and how it ends. Balanced, steady experiences often lack those emotional highs that leave lasting impressions.
That’s why reality TV thrives on conflict and why we’re captivated by stories of miraculous success or spectacular failure. The emotional spikes stick with us, while the middle path, often devoid of those dramatic highs, fades into the background. There is a reason why I will never forget the day the Pumpkin spit on New York. However, in real life measured discourse, seeking compromises, and learning how to agree to disagree are far more likely to yield the outcomes we want.
We Like Being A Part of Group
Extremes also serve a social function. Human beings evolved in tribes where group cohesion meant survival. Extreme positions, whether about politics, religion, or social issues, help signal group identity. Research on social identity theory shows how people categorize themselves into in-groups and out-groups. Extreme beliefs often become identity markers that help us feel like we belong.
Social media amplifies this dynamic. Algorithms favor emotionally charged, extreme content, creating echo chambers that reinforce and reward extreme positions. Balanced viewpoints? They don’t get the same engagement because they lack the emotional punch that triggers likes, shares, and comments.
We Like What is Familiar To Us
In American culture, extremes have long been celebrated. The "rags to riches" narrative, the obsession with being "the best," and even our political history reflect a cultural admiration for extreme success and resilience. This cultural backdrop shapes our psychological tendencies, making us more susceptible to the allure of extremes.It can also encourage us to lean into believing extremes about those that are different from us. When in most situations, we share more similarities than differences.
The Cost of Our Love for Extremes
While extremes can be exciting and, at times, necessary for growth or social change, living in the extremes has its downsides. Chronic exposure to extreme content—whether it’s political outrage, social comparison, or sensationalized news—can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout. The nervous system isn’t built for constant intensity.
Moreover, extreme positions often block empathy and understanding. When we’re locked into "all-or-nothing" thinking, we lose the ability to engage with diverse perspectives, stalling both personal growth and societal progress.
So, how can we resist the magnetic pull of extremes while still honoring our brain's need for excitement and novelty?
Practice Cognitive Flexibility: Make an effort to consider multiple viewpoints, especially when faced with emotionally charged content.For example, if you're reading about a “controversial” or often misunderstood topic, try seeking out articles from different perspectives to better understand the full picture. Even if it doesn’t change your opinion, at least you are more informed and can understand how others may have developed a different perspective on that same topic. It can help to reduce the judgment that we sometimes have in these situations. There are many times when I don’t agree with the destination but can understand how the GPS of life led them there.
Curate Your Inputs: Be mindful of media consumption. Balance high-intensity content with more nuanced, thoughtful material. For example, if you find yourself overwhelmed by sensational news, take a break and seek out long-form journalism or documentaries that provide deeper context. When October 7th happened, one of the things I did was seek out resources to have a deeper understanding of the current situation and the historical context. In my view, the loudest voices should be the ones that are most informed and if I am going to speak up or speak out on an issue, it is imperative to be open to learning and understanding. Consuming only sensationalized news impedes our ability to be effective advocates and allies. When I look at leaders in the past from Abolitionists to Women’s Suffrage to Civil Rights to Stonewall, etc. those leaders were deeply knowledgeable and I want to try my best to emulate that.
Stay Socially Grounded: Engage with people who hold diverse perspectives. Real-life conversations often reveal the nuance missing in online debates. For example, join a local community group or attend events that attract people with different backgrounds to gain new perspectives. The number of times I have gone to a farmers market, free local music event, or group fitness class and had enriching conversations is countless.
In the end, the extremes will always call to us—they’re wired into our psychological makeup. But by understanding why we’re drawn to those edges, we can better navigate our lives with intention. We can still enjoy the thrill of the roller coaster, but we don’t have to live on it. Balance may not always be exciting, but it’s where we find lasting peace, growth, and genuine connection.
What strategies are you going to use to be more balanced? Let me know! You can contact me via Instagram @kindmindpsych or via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com.
The Savvy Psychologist is a Quick and Dirty Tips podcast. It's audio engineered by Steve Riekeberg, with script editing by Brannan Goetschius. Our Podcast and Advertising Operations Specialist is Morgan Christiansen. Our Digital Operations Specialist is Holly Hutchings and Our Marketing and Publicity Associate is Davina Tomlin. Nathaniel Hoopes is our Marketing contractor. Follow Savvy Psychologist on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. That's all for this episode of Savvy Psychologist. Thanks for listening! I'll see you next week.