Dr. Jade Wu helps you meet snooze challenges with evidence-based research, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
Former Savvy Psychologist host Dr. Jade Wu is bringing us a special mini-series based on her new book, Hello Sleep: the Science and Art of Overcoming Insomnia Without Medications. In part two, we learn how to calm our overactive brains before sleep.
Order your copy of Hello Sleep today:
Amazon | Bookshop.org | Audible
A transcript is available at Simplecast.
Have a mental health question? Email us at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com or leave a voicemail at 929-256-2191.
Find Savvy Psychologist on Facebook and Twitter, or subscribe to the newsletter for more psychology tips.
Savvy Psychologist is a part of Quick and Dirty Tips.
Links:
https://quickanddirtytips.com/savvy-psychologist
https://www.facebook.com/savvypsychologist
https://twitter.com/qdtsavvypsych
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist. I’m your guest host, Dr. Jade Wu…and for long-time listeners, I’m also a blast from the past as a former host of the show, here to give you a miniseries on my favorite topic–sleep. This is part two of my mini-series based on my new book, Hello Sleep: the Science and Art of Overcoming Insomnia Without Medications. In this mini-series, I’ll help you meet SLEEP challenges with evidence-based research, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment. Today, we’ll tackle the busy brain—why it turns on at night and how we can turn down the volume and get back to sleep.
At the end of your busy day, all you want to do is put away your worries and your strife. You brush your teeth, put on cozy pajamas, and crawl into your cozy bed, looking forward to blissful sleep. But wait, did you remember to schedule that doctor’s appointment? Also need to get contact lens solution, and grab a gift card for the daycare teacher… is she mad at us? She seemed a bit awkward earlier. Dammit, daycare is so expensive, what are we going to…
And so it begins. Your Busy Brain has turned itself on, ready to run all night on the fuel of all your worries, random musings, to-do lists, philosophical questions, embarrassing memories, and monologues about insomnia. It feels like a troupe of monkeys is jumping around your brain, and the harder you try to push them out, the more excited they get. Before you know it, you’ve watched the hours go by on your clock, desperate and still not sleeping.
This “busy brain” is a frustrating but common experience for people who struggle with insomnia. Even for people who usually sleep well, the occasional night with it can feel like a battle in which you’re losing your mind. But, fortunately, we’re not totally at the mercy of those monkeys. Today, I’ll share four techniques you can practice to quiet your busy brain and let it sink into sleep:
First things first: let’s appreciate that the brain is supposed to be busy. If it weren’t for its ability to constantly perceive, analyze, evaluate, plan, create, anticipate… We humans would not be able to send rockets into space or make fun TikTok videos. So, let’s not get mad at our minds for being in overdrive at night! It’s simply trying to help. Our goal is to let the brain do its thing, but nudge it toward doing it at the right time.
That means we have to take care of mental business during the day—make time to plan, reflect, daydream, and even worry. If these things don’t happen during the day, they will happen at night.
Now, be honest with yourself: How often do you let your mind simply wander, without any screens or other distractions? Write down your concerns or let your creative juices flow without interruptions? If you’re always running from task to task, or bombarded by simulation, then no wonder your brain saves up its busy energy for the one time it can get your attention—at night.
So schedule a daily 30-minute meeting with your brain and allow zero distractions. Have pen and paper on hand if you’d like to work through your to-do list or process worries. Or simply let your mind talk to you as you take a walk or do something rote like folding laundry. When the meeting time is up, thank your mind and remind it that any unfinished business is for tomorrow’s meeting.
We tend to be very goal-oriented during the day. We’re constantly in the process of producing something, whether it’s work or dinner or some semblance of organization in the house. Sometimes, we can even become too focused on productivity and lose sight of simply experiencing the moment. And if we carry this “get things done” energy into bed with us, our minds will keep running.
Instead, if we transition from this “doing” mode to a slower, more mindful “being” mode in the evening, our minds will know that the time for productivity is over and it’s okay to relax now.
To get into “being” mode, write down any unfinished goal-oriented tasks and plan to do them tomorrow. Then, do something that is enjoyable just because it’s enjoyable—cuddle with your partner, play with your dog, listen to music, do a craft, take a bath, stretch, bake… anything is allowed, as long as it’s not secretly a task that only feels good when it’s done (e.g., answering those last work emails). You can start “being” mode whenever you’d like, though I recommend at least 30 minutes before your usual bedtime.
What if we’ve had a particularly exciting or stressful day, and no amount of candle-lit baths could get us fully into a relaxed “being” mode? Now that you’re curled up in bed and ready to sleep, your busy brain seems to catch even more momentum, and before you know it, your thoughts are going 100 miles per hour.
Notice that during this racing mind experience, you are everywhere and every when. You might be imagining the future, reliving the past, wondering about a news event on the other side of the globe, or having an imaginary argument with the partner lying next to you. You are inhabiting so many places and times all at once that it’s impossible to rein your mind in.
But you know what can only exist in one place and at one time? Your body.
So let’s use the body as an anchor to get back to the natural sleepy cues that come at night. My favorite method is the body scan meditation, a simple but powerful redirection for your mind. You simply walk your attention through each part of your body, taking your time to nonjudgmentally notice any sensations in your toes, your feet, your calves and shins, your knees, and so on.
You’re not trying to change or analyze anything. You’re simply noticing your body. If thoughts sneak through—no problem! Just notice the thoughts, gently set them to the side when you’re ready, and get back to the last body part you were noticing. Both your body and mind will slow down and become readier for sleep.
Sometimes, you’ll have done a great job taking care of mental business during the day, transitioned smoothly from “doing” to “being” in the evening, and capped the day with a lovely body scan once you got into bed… and still have monkeys bouncing around your wide-awake mind. That’s okay! If this is happening often, you may be going to bed too early, before you’ve saved up enough sleep drive or before it’s your circadian system’s preferred time for sleep. Just trust your body and go to bed when you feel sleepy.
If you’re waking up during the night with a suddenly racing mind, that’s okay, too. Don’t worry that waking up at night is bad for your sleep—it’s actually a natural part of sleep architecture. But if you stay in bed and keep trying to shut down the racing mind, you’re not only going to lose the battle, but the war, too, because your brain will learn that the bed is a frustrating place and become even more likely to get revved up here in the future.
So instead of working so hard to get back to sleep, get out of bed (or even just sit up in bed and turn on a bedside lamp) and do something enjoyable to redirect your busy brain. You can read, use your phone, knit, stretch… whatever you’d like! Enjoy this extra “me” time and go back to bed when you’re feeling sleepy. Don’t specifically do boring things to try to trick your brain into falling asleep, because boring feels bad, and you’ll just become frustrated all over again. Remember to trust in sleep. It will take good care of you even if it’s not going perfectly.
One of my personal favorite nighttime activities is listening to an audiobook or podcast. This way, I don’t have to turn on a bunch of lights and disturb my partner, and I get to catch up on something that I never seem to have enough time for during the day. Even on the occasional night when I’ve been awake for hours, it didn’t feel bad because I got to find out who the killer was in a fun plot twist.
It all boils down to this: Don't fight against your mind. Work with it. Show it some compassion. Instead of doing battle against a mind full of hyperactive monkeys at night, give it more constructive outlets during the day, transition from “doing” to “being” mode before bed, get out of your head and into your body, and last but not least, enjoy the extra “me” time you get at night when your excited mind invites you to play.
Thanks for listening to The Savvy Psychologist. I'm Dr. Jade Wu, and you can find my new book, Hello Sleep: the Science and Art of Overcoming Insomnia Without Medications, on Bookshop.org, Amazon, or on the shelves at your local bookstore right now. And make sure to tune in for more sleep advice next week—we’ll be talking about when to follow sleep hygiene rules and when to ignore them.