In the spirit of Pride Month, we're focusing on topics related to sex and sexuality. In this episode, we’ll define Asexuality and Pansexuality, discuss the spectrum of experiences within these orientations, and address common misconceptions and challenges faced by individuals who identify.
In the spirit of Pride Month, we're focusing on topics related to sex and sexuality. In this episode, we’ll define Asexuality and Pansexuality, discuss the spectrum of experiences within these orientations, and address common misconceptions and challenges faced by individuals who identify.
Savvy Psychologist is hosted by Dr. Monica Johnson. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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It’s Pride Month y’all and I am going to focus on topics related to sex and sexuality this month. I get lots of questions from folks about their sexuality at my practice and from listener’s just like you. One of the more common areas relates to Asexuality and Pansexuality, so that’s what we’re going to talk about today!
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist, I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
Let’s start by giving a working definition for both Asexuality and Pansexuality. Asexuality exists on a broad spectrum. Some asexual individuals might experience little to no sexual attraction throughout their lives, while others might feel sexual attraction under specific circumstances, which is often referred to as being "gray-asexual" or "gray-A." Another term within the spectrum is "demisexual," where individuals only experience sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional connection. Romantic orientation is a crucial aspect of many asexual individuals' identities. While they may not experience sexual attraction, many aces do experience romantic attraction. Romantic orientations can be as diverse as sexual orientations and include heteroromantic (attraction to a different gender), homoromantic (attraction to the same gender), biromantic (attraction to two or more genders), panromantic (attraction to people regardless of gender), and aromantic (experiencing little or no romantic attraction).
For example, an asexual person might identify as biromantic, meaning they could be romantically attracted to people of more than one gender but not feel sexual attraction towards them. Romantic orientation helps asexual individuals articulate their feelings and desires in relationships, providing a more nuanced understanding of their personal experiences.
A common misconception is that asexuality is the same as celibacy. However, these concepts are fundamentally different. Celibacy is a conscious choice to abstain from sexual activity, often for personal, religious, or philosophical reasons. Asexuality, on the other hand, is an inherent sexual orientation where an individual does not feel sexual attraction regardless of their choice to engage in or abstain from sexual activity.
While some asexual individuals might also choose celibacy, it is not a defining characteristic of their orientation. Understanding this distinction is vital in recognizing asexuality as a legitimate and distinct sexual orientation.
Asexual individuals can and do form meaningful and fulfilling relationships. These relationships might include romantic partnerships, deep friendships, or other forms of close bonds. While sexual activity is not a driving factor for aces, intimacy and connection still play significant roles in their lives.
Some asexual people might choose to engage in sexual activities for various reasons, such as to satisfy a partner’s needs, to have children, or out of curiosity. Others might prefer relationships that do not involve sex, often referred to as "platonic partnerships" or "queerplatonic relationships," which prioritize emotional and intellectual intimacy over physical intimacy.
Now let’s switch gears and talk about Pansexuality.
Pansexuality is derived from the Greek prefix "pan," meaning "all" or "every." Thus, pansexuality encompasses the potential for attraction to people of all gender identities, including male, female, transgender, non-binary, genderqueer, and others. It is important to note that being pansexual does not mean being attracted to everyone, but rather having the capacity for attraction to individuals regardless of their gender.
Pansexuality and bisexuality are often compared or conflated, but they have distinct definitions. Bisexuality traditionally refers to attraction to two or more genders, often within the binary framework of male and female. However, many bisexual individuals define their orientation as inclusive of non-binary and genderqueer individuals as well.
Pansexuality explicitly rejects the gender binary by emphasizing attraction that transcends gender categories altogether. While there is overlap, the distinction lies in the framing: bisexuality often works within a gender framework, whereas pansexuality explicitly seeks to move beyond it.
There are many challenges for those who identify as Asexual or Pansexual and there is overlap between these two sexual orientations. A common one I see is invisibility. Both are not widely recognized or understood, leading to a lack of representation and awareness. Additionally, like many non-heteronormative orientations, pansexuality can be misunderstood or overlooked. People might assume pansexual individuals are either gay or straight based on their current relationship. Invalidation is another common challenge. For those that are asexual, others that don’t understand may say things like, “you just haven’t found the right person yet.” Or if you’re Pansexual, people may think you’re simply attention seeking, “can’t make up your mind,” or just going through a phase. There are some who pathologize that Asexuality is due to early traumatic experiences. Also, there may be situations where those who are asexual feel pressured to conform to relationship standards set by the larger society. So, they may feel forced to engage in sexual activity to meet the expectations of their partners or peers. For Pansexual folks, there are sometimes stereotypes that they are promiscuous or can’t be involved in monogamous relationships and sometimes there is a lack of recognition even within LGBTQIA+ spaces.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of the challenges faced by those who identify with Asexuality or Pansexuality, but are some examples of common issues I hear. If you or someone you know is dealing with challenges related to their sexuality, here are a couple of tips!
If you’re curious about if you’re Asexual or Pansexual, seek out information!
Educate Yourself: Learn about asexuality/pansexuality to understand your orientation better. Read books, articles, and research studies, and follow online resources dedicated to asexuality/pansexuality.
Self-Reflection: Spend time reflecting on your feelings and experiences. Journaling can help clarify your thoughts and provide insight into your identity.
Find and create community
Online Communities: Join online forums, social media groups, and websites like the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) to connect with other asexual individuals.
Local Groups: Seek out local LGBTQ+ organizations and support groups. Many larger cities have specific groups for asexual people.
Allies: Encourage friends, family, and partners to learn about asexuality/pansexuality and become allies. Allies can help support and advocate for your needs.
Whether you’re a member of the community or an ally, how are you showing up and showing out during Pride Month? Let me know! You can contact me via Instagram @kindmindpsych or via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com.
The Savvy Psychologist is a Quick and Dirty Tips podcast. It's audio engineered by Steve Riekeberg, with script editing by Brannan Goetschius. Our Podcast and Advertising Operations Specialist is Morgan Christiansen. Our Digital Operations Specialist is Holly Hutchings and Our Marketing and Publicity Associate is Davina Tomlin. Follow Savvy Psychologist on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. That's all for this episode of Savvy Psychologist. Thanks for listening! I'll see you next week.