You’ve had worry as a part of your life for a long time, but do you really understand it?
You’ve had worry as a part of your life for a long time, but do you really understand it?
Savvy Psychologist is hosted by Dr. Monica Johnson. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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If you struggle with anxiety, worry is likely a part of your daily experience. Do you worry that perhaps you worry too much? Do you understand the purpose of worry and what triggers it? If you’ve got questions, I have at least a few of the answers.
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist, I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
Worry is a cognitive process. Some have said that worry lives in the mind and anxiety lives in the body. Worry typically involves anticipating and focusing on future events. On the healthier end of the spectrum, worry can be seen as mental planning. One may worry about a potential future scenario in an effort to predict negative outcomes and be prepared for probable eventualities. However, you and I both know that’s not typically how your worry plays out. It may start out sensible, but it eventually hits Mad Hatter levels of nonsense.
There are a few main triggers of worry. The first is new or unfamiliar situations. You hear it all the time—we all hate change. Many of us would prefer to stay in a negative but known situation than to approach an unknown and potentially pleasant scenario. No matter how big or small, new situations can lead to big worries. You could be thinking of joining a yoga class for the first time, and your first thought can be “What if I don’t know all the positions?” This can be enough to get you to avoid joining the class altogether or make the decision that you need to read 5 books on yoga before you get started so you don’t seem like a novice.
Another trigger for worry is ambiguous situations. You’ve had these moments happen in your life. An example of this would be the “Can we talk?” moment. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mama, your boss, or your priest—when someone asks to talk, you instantly start to worry. Did I remember to take the trash out? Am I about to get fired? I’m going to hell, aren’t I?
Unpredictable situations are another trigger for worry. These are events where you can’t be certain about the outcome, like the outcome of a job interview, a test, or if your favorite team is going to win the World Series. Unpredictable situations can lead to some pretty intense “What if?” questioning. What if I say the wrong thing in the interview? What if I don’t study the right material? You could see how on the healthier end of the spectrum this could be helpful. For example, having a little worry about my test can motivate you to actually study versus partying all night. However, too much worry means that we spend all our actual energy on the worry thought and it distracts us from actually engaging with the problem. For instance, you could be so worried about getting an A that you can’t focus on studying.
Now that we know what triggers it, let’s talk about the basic components of worry. The first is that worries usually involve “What ifs.” If you missed my episode on how to win the “what if” game, go back and listen to that one after you’re finished up here. When we are triggered to worry, we will ask a series of what-if questions that never lead us anywhere good.
This leads me to the next component: worries are always negative. I have never had someone sit down in my office and say, “I’m worried I’m going to have a wonderful time on this date.” Period. Now, I have had someone say, “I’m worried I’m going to have a wonderful time on this date because it means I may have to let down my defenses and fall in love which is super scary and I don’t think I’m ready for that.” If our worries were correct even half of the time, we would have a far more bleak existence.
You may have already guessed it, but another component of worry is that it’s future-focused. This makes sense: the future is unpredictable and ambiguous and unfamiliar and the further you go into the future the more those things become true. I could reasonably tell you what is going to happen to me in a few hours, less so in a few days, and I’m basically taking a shot in the dark if I try to predict my life in a few years. I grew up in a town of 706 people and now I live in the most populous city in the US. I would have never been able to predict as a teenager that I would live here.
When worry becomes problematic is when it stops you from actually planning for anything. In fact, problematic worry leads to a narrowing of solutions. Because ultimately, you come down to these questions of, “What if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail?”
But my counter is always “What if you did one thing kind for yourself? What if you took the first step?” You are as much a part of the equation as any other variable that you could imagine. Imagination is a powerful thing and if you were going to create a mental avatar of who you could be in some future scenario, why not be vulnerable, compassionate, and adaptable? All qualities that we know are associated with good mental health.
So, the next time you catch yourself worrying, what I would like you to do is imagine yourself as a capable person and think through one step you would take in that scenario and then do it! You might find that you succeed or you may find that one failure isn’t enough to take you out. Either way, it’s a win, because you approached the hard thing.
What qualities do you want your mental avatar to possess? Let me know on Instagram @kindmindpsych. You can also reach out to me via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com, or leave a voicemail at (929) 256-2191.