Internal and external resources to call upon to improve your life.
Whether you’re dealing with trauma or the day-to-day grind, these internal and external resources can help.
Savvy Psychologist is hosted by Dr. Monica Johnson. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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I enjoy hearing from my listeners and you all have a wonderful capacity to be vulnerable. It touches my heart that you would email, call, or DM me letting me know how a particular episode has helped you or asking me a sincere question based on your life experiences. Many times the questions are complicated because your lives are—understandably—complicated. So, today we’re going to talk about 9 categories of resources that you can draw upon to help heal trauma and improve your life.
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist, I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment. Don’t forget that if you want to reach out to me with a question or comment, you can email me at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com, leave me a voicemail at 929-256-2191, or DM me on Instagram, @kindmindpsych.
I’m so happy you’re here as I review these 9 broad categories of resources. These are resources that can generally be helpful to anyone. Many times you already have access to these resources because no matter who you are, you have your own inherent strengths. When my patients show up for therapy with me for the first time, they may think the only thing I’m doing is categorizing perceived weaknesses, but that’s untrue. I’m looking for their strengths and how we can utilize those to help them build a worthwhile life.
Over the next two weeks, I’m going to help you do the same thing. The good thing about these resources is that even if you are missing some of them, you can develop them over time.
During childhood, when we grow up in environments that are caring and supportive, we acquire a personal repertoire of internal capabilities that support our overall development. Some of you may be thinking, “but I grew up in an invalidating or toxic environment, that’s why I’m listening to your podcast right now!” While not ideal, you also developed some resources from that environment as well. Most people I know that have survived traumatic experiences are scrappy and have access to a wealth of survival resources. You just have to reconfigure those resources so that they can actually allow you to thrive in life.
In each category of resources, there are internal resources (those that are within you and part of who you are) and external resources (those that are outside of you and part of your environment). Both internal and external resources can help us feel stronger, more capable, creative, safe, and an overall sense of peace. They work in concert with each other so that gains in one of them will bring about expansion in others. So, keep in mind that our ability to access external resources stems from our internal resources.
As I review these categories, I would suggest that you write them down, take an inventory of what resources you already have that you’d like to maintain, and which ones that you would like to expand. This will provide a road map for you.
Don’t let your perfectionism get triggered—you don’t need 1000 resources, you simply need a wide range that can help you in a variety of different contexts. Also, if you haven’t developed some of these yet, avoid telling yourself that you “should know how to do this already.” Even if you’re 78 years old, as long as you keep trying, it doesn’t matter when you arrive at the destination! Getting caught up in the “shoulds” is exactly what can keep you from having a bountiful life.
Relational
The first category we will discuss is relational resources. As you may have guessed, this primarily focuses on your ability to value and relate to others.
Internal resources include: a general belief that others can be supportive, a sense that you value and deserve healthy relationships, the ability to seek help, the ability to set boundaries, the ability to give and receive support, general communication skills, and a connection with pets.
External relational resources include: close friends or family, romantic relationships, colleagues, supportive groups (these can be therapy groups, but it can also be your kickball league or your book club), and having different friends and acquaintances across all spectrums of life (different ages, genders, etc.).
I learn a lot from people I’m close to whether they are 10 years old or 80. I have many friends and family members with children that allow me to remember lessons I’ve forgotten—like the importance of play even when you're an adult. My friends who are older than me are teaching me things that I won’t fully understand until I’ve had the opportunity to live a little longer.
Now remember what I said about how the internal influences the external. If you walk around telling yourself that everyone is horrible, you’re not going to seek relationships. Instead, be brave and put yourself out there in environments that appear to be safe. I’m super introverted and I’ve lived all over the country, which means I’ve had to figure out ways to make friends. In the past, I’ve used websites like meetup.com to find people who share my interests in activities like horror movies. I was even a horror group organizer for a while. It was nerve-wracking for me, but because I put myself out there, I found that in less than a year, I had developed a couple of burgeoning friendships, and at a minimum, I was getting my social needs met through the group activities.
Somatic
The next category we will discuss is somatic resources. Somatic refers to the body. Most of us carry our stress and our trauma in our bodies and then we totally ignore it as a resource. We don’t take care of ourselves physically and the physical breakdown only exacerbates our mental struggles.
Internal resources include: good health, good posture, deep breathing, sound muscles, capacities to walk/run/dance, flexibility, enjoyment of sexuality or sensual activities, and ability to regulate emotional arousal.
External resources include: health practitioners like your medical doctor, psychologist, chiropractor, personal trainer, or massage therapist. Additionally, gyms, pilates, yoga, bikes, martial arts, or skateboard parks. This category also includes things that please our senses like tastes, colors, textures, and scents.
If you can’t afford to pay for the gym or certain fitness classes, there are so many free resources on platforms like YouTube. And if you like podcasts, my podcast network even has a fitness show called Get-Fit Guy you can listen to. You don’t have to make it complicated. The somatic resource I enjoy the most is a nice long walk. It clears the mind and makes my body stronger.
It may sound silly, but good posture can make a big difference. Trauma causes us to hunch over, to make ourselves smaller, but when you stand up straight and you feel yourself fully supported by your spine and your muscles, you feel empowered. Take up some space—you’ll realize that there was room for you all along, you simply needed to claim it.
Emotional
Emotional resources relate to your capacities to experience and embrace your wide range of affective experiences.
In terms of internal resources, one of the most important is your ability to embrace the full spectrum of emotions—from high-arousal ones like passion and joy to low-arousal emotions like contentment, tenderness, and peacefulness. You need a good mix because high-arousal emotions burn up a lot of energy and we have more capacity for low-arousal emotions on the daily grind. For instance, if I experienced incredible joy 24/7, I would be tired and not able to focus on anything. Could you imagine experiencing a hot burning passion while standing in line at the DMV?
Other internal resources include: the ability to regulate or tolerate unwanted emotional experiences (like sadness or anger), not having your actions dictated by emotions (this relates to the emotion mind concept that I reviewed last week), your ability to express and communicate your emotions, and to use the information provided by your emotions to guide your actions in ways that make sense.
External resources include: friends, family, and pets that provide us with emotional support, and engaging in circumstances that allow us to explore and enrich our experience of both high and low arousal emotions. A circumstance could be going to a museum and being inspired to engage in your own art or sitting quietly and journaling while having a warm beverage to feel peace and relief.
Journaling is a personal favorite of mine—I have been engaging in this practice since I was 12 years old! The great thing about journaling is that it not only builds your awareness about your emotional experiences, but it can be incredibly cathartic for high-arousal emotions, and allow you to appreciate more low-arousal aspects of your life, which develops gratitude.
Next week, we will continue our discussion of resources. For now, let me know your favorite internal or external resources in these categories. Reach out to me and let me know your thoughts or ask me a question. I enjoy reading or hearing your voices and want to be helpful where I can! Let me know on Instagram @kindmindpsych. You can also reach out to me via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com, or leave a voicemail at (929) 256-2191.