Gaslighting isn’t just a trendy term, it’s a serious form of emotional abuse that can leave you doubting your reality. Monica Johnson breaks down what gaslighting really is, how to recognize its subtle tactics, and what steps you can take to protect your mental health.
Gaslighting isn’t just a trendy term, it’s a serious form of emotional abuse that can leave you doubting your reality. Monica Johnson breaks down what gaslighting really is, how to recognize its subtle tactics, and what steps you can take to protect your mental health.
Savvy Psychologist is hosted by Dr. Monica Johnson. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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Let's get one thing straight from the start: gaslighting is not just a buzzword; it’s a serious form of emotional abuse that can leave even the strongest minds questioning their reality.
Unfortunately, the term has been misused frequently in pop culture and social media, often being applied to simple disagreements or minor dishonesty. This misuse can undermine the real harm gaslighting causes. As a psychologist who believes in tough love and compassionate truth-telling, I’m here to clarify what gaslighting truly is from a mental health perspective – no sugar-coating, no fluff.
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist, I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
What is Gaslighting?
A well-known historical example of gaslighting is from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her perceptions. In more recent pop culture, the TV series The Handmaid’s Tale shows examples of gaslighting by the ruling regime, making individuals question their memories and perceptions. Such examples help highlight how gaslighting operates in various settings.
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where a person (or group) makes someone question their own memories, perceptions, or sanity. It’s insidious, often subtle, and profoundly damaging. The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind.
You might think, "Surely I’d know if someone was gaslighting me?" Think again. Gaslighting thrives in the shadows of our self-doubt and trust in others.
Key Components of Gaslighting
Each component of gaslighting serves a unique purpose in manipulation:
Gaslighting vs. Regular Lying
Gaslighting is more than just lying. While lying involves telling an untruth, gaslighting is a sustained pattern of manipulation aimed at making someone question their reality. Regular lies might be one-off deceptions, but gaslighting is systematic and often includes denying past events, trivializing feelings, and manipulating perceptions to control another person. For example, a lie might be saying, “I didn’t take your keys,” when they actually did. Gaslighting, on the other hand, would involve repeatedly telling you that you always misplace your keys, even when you’re sure where you left them, making you doubt your own memory. Gaslighting is more than just lying. While lying involves telling an untruth, gaslighting is a sustained pattern of manipulation aimed at making someone question their reality. Regular lies might be one-off deceptions, but gaslighting is systematic and often includes denying past events, trivializing feelings, and manipulating perceptions to control another person.
Let’s take a look at the key components of gaslighting with examples.
1. Denial and Contradiction
What it looks like:
"That never happened."
"You're imagining things."
Imagine confronting your partner about hurtful words they said, and they respond with, "I never said that. You're being overly sensitive." Over time, this repeated denial can make you question your memory and judgment.
2. Trivializing Your Feelings
What it looks like:
"You're overreacting."
"You’re too emotional."
Your feelings are valid – let me repeat that for the people in the back – YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID. When someone constantly downplays your emotions, they chip away at your self-esteem and make you feel irrational.
3. Withholding Information
What it looks like:
"I don’t know what you’re talking about."
"I don’t have to explain myself."
Stonewalling and refusing to engage in discussions can leave you feeling isolated and confused.
4. Diverting and Distracting
What it looks like:
"Why are you bringing this up now? Let’s talk about how you always mess things up."
Suddenly, the issue you raised gets flipped back on you. Classic gaslighting move.
5. Blame-Shifting
What it looks like:
"If you weren’t so paranoid, this wouldn’t be an issue."
Gaslighters rarely take responsibility. Instead, they project their faults onto you.
Why Do People Gaslight?
Let’s be clear: gaslighting is about control and power. Some gaslighters do it knowingly, while others are so entrenched in their toxic patterns that they may not even realize it. But let’s not get it twisted – ignorance doesn’t excuse abuse.
Common motives include:
The Psychological Impact of Gaslighting
Gaslighting can lead to anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It erodes your self-confidence, making you doubt your own perceptions and memories.
Signs you might be experiencing gaslighting:
How to Deal with Gaslighting
What is a mental health concept or term that you think has lost its meaning? Let me know! You can contact me via Instagram @kindmindpsych or via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com.
The Savvy Psychologist is a Quick and Dirty Tips podcast. It's audio engineered by Steve Riekeberg, with script editing by Brannan Goetschius. Our Podcast and Advertising Operations Specialist is Morgan Christiansen. Our Digital Operations Specialist is Holly Hutchings and Our Marketing and Publicity Associate is Davina Tomlin. Nathaniel Hoopes is our Marketing contractor. Follow Savvy Psychologist on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. That's all for this episode of Savvy Psychologist. Thanks for listening! I'll see you next week.