529. Do you find yourself easily overwhelmed or shut down by stress? In this episode, Dr. Monica Johnson looks at the window of tolerance, a key concept for understanding your nervous system's capacity to handle life's challenges. She looks at how past trauma and societal pressures, particularly for groups like Black women, can impact this window, and offers actionable strategies to expand it.
529. Do you find yourself easily overwhelmed or shut down by stress? In this episode, Dr. Monica Johnson looks at the window of tolerance, a key concept for understanding your nervous system's capacity to handle life's challenges. She looks at how past trauma and societal pressures, particularly for groups like Black women, can impact this window, and offers actionable strategies to expand it.
Find a full transcript here.
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Let me tell y’all something. Life be life-ing. I mean it. Between bills, relationships, generational trauma, work stress, parenting, and trying to heal while making sure your hair is done and dinner is on the stove—life can feel like a full-contact sport. And sometimes, it’s just too much. That “too much” feeling? That might be a sign that you’ve stepped outside your window of tolerance.
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist, I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
The window of tolerance is one of those psychological concepts I wish every single one of us learned in school. It’s like the emotional version of understanding your blood pressure or your body temperature—foundational and vital. It gives us language for our capacity to stay grounded and connected when life turns up the heat. When you’re in your window of tolerance, you’re present, engaged, and thinking clearly, even under pressure. When you’re outside of it, you might be anxious, irritable, frozen, or completely numb.
Originally developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, the window of tolerance describes the zone where your nervous system functions best. Within this zone, you can handle stress, process information, and respond—not react—to life’s curveballs. You’re not emotionless, but you’re emotionally regulated. When you get knocked outside of that window, though, you might land in hyperarousal, the fight-or-flight zone where anxiety, panic, anger, and overwhelm live. Or you might drop into hypoarousal, where you freeze, disconnect, or go numb.
Now, none of this is unusual. We all move in and out of our window depending on what’s happening around us. But people who have a wider window can handle a greater range of stress and stay regulated through it. People with a narrower window get overwhelmed more easily and may struggle to return to a calm state. And if you’re a person who’s experienced trauma—especially developmental trauma, chronic stress, or systemic oppression—there’s a good chance your window of tolerance is smaller than you’d like.
So let’s talk about why that is. The truth is, trauma changes the way our nervous system is wired. When your brain and body are used to being in survival mode, even everyday challenges can send you into a stress response. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your nervous system learned to adapt. People who’ve experienced childhood neglect, abuse, domestic violence, racism, or poverty may develop a heightened sensitivity to stress, meaning their nervous systems are on high alert more often. Studies in neuroscience and trauma psychology, including the work of Bessel van der Kolk and Stephen Porges, show that chronic stress and trauma dysregulate the autonomic nervous system. That makes it harder to return to a state of calm—even when the original threat is no longer there.
And yes, you can look calm on the outside while still being dysregulated on the inside. I see this all the time, especially in Black women and other folks who've learned how to mask distress just to survive the day. We call it “strong Black woman” mode, but it’s really over-functioning and white-knuckling through life. Your body might be screaming, but your face says “I’m fine.” That disconnection is a sign that your nervous system is trying to protect you—even when the danger isn’t present anymore.
So how do you know when you’re outside your window of tolerance? Let’s take a look at the signs.
Hyperarousal (Fight or Flight)
Racing thoughts
Irritability, anger outbursts
Anxiety or panic attacks
Hypervigilance
Inability to sleep or sit still
Feeling “on edge” or like something bad is about to happen
Hypoarousal (Freeze or Shutdown)
Emotional numbness
Fatigue or lack of motivation
Disconnection from self or body
Difficulty thinking or concentrating
Feeling invisible or like you're moving through molasses
When you're inside your window of tolerance, you feel grounded, alert, and capable. You’re able to ride the waves of your emotions without drowning in them. You don’t avoid stress—you just have a solid anchor when it hits.
You could probably feel the difference in yourself as I described what it’s like being outside the window compared to inside. The best part about this? Your window of tolerance isn’t set in stone. Just like we train muscles at the gym, we can train our nervous systems to expand their capacity. That means we can increase our tolerance for stress and reduce how often we get overwhelmed or shut down. Expanding your window of tolerance isn’t about eliminating stress or pretending life doesn’t hurt sometimes. It’s about building your resilience, your ability to come back to yourself, to stay emotionally present, even when it’s hard. And that is the work of healing.
So let’s talk about how to do that. First, we start with awareness. One of the most powerful tools you have is simply naming your state. When you feel dysregulated, pause and ask: “Am I in fight, flight, freeze, or shutdown?” “What’s happening in my body?” “What does my nervous system need right now?” This practice of labeling what is tanglibly happening helps engage your thinking brain and regulate your emotional centers. Research shows that affect labeling, putting feelings into words actually calms the amygdala, your brain’s fear center.
Next up is breath. I know, I know—everyone says “just breathe.” But the trick is not just deep breathing—it’s intentional breathing. You can do this in moments when you find you’re dysregulated. However, it will work better if you create a routine with mindfulness methods because you are training your body and mind with each practice. Try inhaling for four counts and exhaling for six to eight counts. Longer exhales activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps you shift out of hyperarousal and into calm.
Another key practice? Somatic grounding. Sometimes, talking isn’t enough, we have to go through the body. Trauma lives in the body, and so does healing. You can engage your senses and reorient yourself to the present with tools like splashing cold water on your face, pressing your feet into the floor, or wrapping yourself in a weighted blanket. A body scan, where you gently notice sensations from head to toe, can also help re-establish a sense of safety in your skin. Somatic experiencing, developed by Dr. Peter Levine, uses these tools to help release stored survival energy from the body and expand the nervous system’s tolerance.
One of the most effective ways to expand your window of tolerance is by practicing daily nervous system hygiene. Just like brushing your teeth, your nervous system needs daily care—especially if your default setting is “stress.” Rituals like morning stretching, journaling, dancing to your favorite playlist, lighting a candle before bed, or taking a few pause breaks throughout the day all help create rhythm and safety in the body. These small acts tell your nervous system: “You’re safe now. You’re not in the past anymore.” The more regularly you do this, the more flexible and resilient your system becomes.
Let’s not forget the power of relationships. Regulation is not a solo project—we are wired for connection. When we feel seen, soothed, and safe with another human being, our nervous system learns it doesn’t have to be on high alert. This is called co-regulation, and it can happen through therapy, hugs, eye contact, or a quiet moment with someone you trust. Safe relationships literally reshape the brain’s ability to manage stress and expand emotional capacity.
And we can’t talk about staying regulated without talking about boundaries. If you are constantly saying “yes” out of guilt, ignoring your limits, or tolerating toxic environments—your nervous system is paying the price. Boundaries are how we protect the space inside our window. They’re how we say “I matter” and “My peace is sacred.” Start small: say “I need a minute” instead of jumping into a conversation. Say “No, thank you” without overexplaining. The more you honor your limits, the more your nervous system will trust that it’s safe to rest.
Of course, for those of us with deep wounds—especially developmental or complex trauma—expanding the window often requires the help of a trauma-informed therapist. Modalities like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic experiencing, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) among others can help process stored trauma and rewire your nervous system’s response to stress. These aren’t quick fixes, but they’re powerful tools that allow your system to integrate painful experiences and return to a regulated baseline.
Now, let me speak directly to my people for a second. If you grew up being told to “suck it up,” if you were praised for being strong instead of cared for when you were hurting, if the world sees your very existence as a threat you might think being dysregulated is just your personality. But hear me clearly: we can train ourselves to thrive in this world regardless of the conditions. If your nervous system is always on high alert or shutting down, it’s not because you’re weak, it’s because you’ve been running a marathon in combat boots while carrying everyone else’s baggage.
You deserve rest. You deserve to feel safe in your body. You deserve to feel without drowning in it. Expanding your window of tolerance is a radical act of self-love and resistance. In a world that often asks us to perform strength at the expense of our humanity, this work is a way to reclaim your peace.
So no, it won’t happen overnight. But over time, with care, support, and intention—you can ride life’s waves without going under. You can return to the center faster. You can hold your emotions without being consumed. You can find safety inside yourself.
And when you do fall outside your window (because we all do), you’ll know how to find your way back—with breath, with boundaries, with softness, with grace.
What are you doing to expand? Let me know! You can contact me via Instagram @kindmindpsych or via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com.
The Savvy Psychologist is a Quick and Dirty Tips podcast. It's audio engineered by Steve Riekeberg. The Director of Podcasts is Holly Hutchings. Our Podcast and Advertising Operations Specialist is Morgan Christiansen, and Nathaniel Hoopes is our Marketing contractor. Follow Savvy Psychologist on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. That's all for this episode of Savvy Psychologist. Thanks for listening! I'll see you next week.