545. Do you close your eyes only for your brain to start spinning with to-do lists and worries? In this episode, sleep psychologist Dr. Jade Wu looks at why your mind races at night. She looks at three common daytime saboteurs of nighttime peace and offers science-backed methods to help you finally quiet your mind and fall asleep.
545. Do you close your eyes only for your brain to start spinning with to-do lists and worries? In this episode, sleep psychologist Dr. Jade Wu looks at why your mind races at night. She looks at three common daytime saboteurs of nighttime peace and offers science-backed methods to help you finally quiet your mind and fall asleep.
Find Dr. Jade Wu on her website.
Find a transcript here.
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Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist. I'm your interim host, Dr. Jade Wu. Every week, we'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment. And I am happy to be back with you today to discuss something I've been hearing about more and more lately - the nighttime racing mind.
Has this happened to you:
You have a long, busy day. You’re happy to finally be done with it and in bed, because you’re exhausted and longing for the sweet relief of sleep.
The room is dark and quiet.
You close your eyes…
…and suddenly your brain throws a party.
The to-do list shows up.
Past mistakes RSVP “yes.”
Tomorrow’s worries bring snacks.
A random song you haven’t heard in 12 years starts playing.
And your brain—your brilliant, well-intentioned brain—is suddenly doing everything except sleeping.
Today we’re talking about something nearly universal—no matter who you are, how smart you are, or how many sleep apps you’ve downloaded: the racing mind at night happens to everyone at some point.
And if it’s been happening more often recently… you’re in good company.
But here’s the empowering part: You have far more control over your nighttime busy brain than you think. And quieting your mind at night doesn’t begin at night at all.
Today, I’ll walk you through three daytime saboteurs of nighttime peace and how to fix them. These methods have helped many of my patients go from mind-racing insomnia to “I can’t believe I slept through my alarm.”
Let’s get into it!
I want to start with something counterintuitive: If you want a quiet mind at night… you must rest during the day.
I know. That sounds bizarre. Don’t we want to tire ourselves out during the day so we can be extra exhausted for bedtime?
In some ways, yes. If you play a few fun games of pickleball with your friends and that’s why you’re exhausted…great, you’ve earned lots of sleep appetite. The emphasis is on “fun.”
But if you’re exhausting yourself all day through only work, errands, chores, and generally being in “go mode,” with no true breaks, no gentle boredom, and no fun release…your brain interprets that as danger.
Like there’s a metaphorical Saber Tooth tiger behind you all day long.
In human history, nonstop motion signaled crisis mode—because when a predator is stalking you, you don’t sit under a tree and just hang out with your tribe. You keep running.
In modern life, we might be safe from literal tigers, but we have our own metaphorical “tigers,” like:
So your brain never gets proof that the environment is safe enough to relax.
Then nighttime hits.
And suddenly, your brain thinks, Wait—this is the first quiet moment we’ve had all day. The tiger must still be here. Better stay alert. Better problem-solve.
Now, what counts as “true rest”?
Here’s a spoiler: Doomscrolling doesn’t count. TV + email doesn’t count. Lying in bed with TikTok also… definitely doesn’t count. Those activities keep your brain processing rapid-flow information. It’s “fake rest”—like junk food for the mind.
Instead, true rest is:
Examples include:
These activities replenish your internal battery. They whisper to your nervous system, There is no tiger, it’s okay to rest.
And when you give your mind these slow, quiet pockets during the day, you prevent pressure from building up. Then at night, instead of everything exploding at once, your mind can finally soften.
Now let’s talk about the second reason your mind races at night: You don’t give your thoughts a space to go during the day.
Imagine that all day long, your brain says:
“Hey—remember to deal with this.”
“Is she mad at me?”
“Don’t forget that appointment.”
“We still haven’t solved that life problem.”
“And here’s an idea for the next great American novel!”
And all day long, you reply: “Not now.”
Then nighttime comes, and your brain goes: “FINALLY. We have them captive. LET’S GO.”
This is why I teach my patients something delightfully weird called the Mental Litter Box.
Just like a cat needs one place—ONE—to do its business, your thoughts need a designated place to do their business. Otherwise they “go” everywhere…including at 2am.
Step 1: Choose a daily 15–30 minute time block.
During a commute, dishes, a walk, or right after work is perfect. Don’t multi-task too much—make sure you can really focus on your thoughts.
Step 2: During that time: let your brain run wild.
Worry your heart out. Ruminate fully. Spin out. Let the anxious toddlers of your mind do their worst. No judgment. No forced positivity. No problem-solving. Just let your hair down and worry.
Step 3: When the timer ends, say: “See you tomorrow, worries.”
And go on with your evening. Redirect your attention to the here and now; better yet—do something fun.
Step 4: Outside the designated time, gently defer thoughts.
“Thanks, brain. We’ll put this in tomorrow’s litter box.”
This works because thoughts don’t like being ignored. They don’t disappear—they accumulate pressure. Doing the Mental Litter Box relieves the pressure. It makes it easier to defer or let go of sticky, unhelpful thoughts by putting boundaries around your overthinking. It also helps your brain trust that thinking time will happen, so it’s less desperate to get your attention at night.
Bonus trick: During your litter box time, write your thoughts down and sort worries into two buckets:
CAN Control vs. CANNOT Control.
Into the CAN Control category, write your next steps for solving whatever problem you’re worrying about.
Into the CANNOT Control category, write the worries for which there are no solutions right now. Just stream-of-consciousness these until the time is up. This sorting action helps to untangle some yarns in your mind and reduce anxiety.
One of my patients used his 20-minute commute home as his litter box. After a few days, he discovered…he didn’t even have enough worries to fill the whole 20 minutes anymore. His brain had gotten the memo.
The third saboteur is one of the most common: You treat bedtime like a cliff instead of a slope.
During the day you’re going 80 miles per hour—emails, chores, last-minute tasks—and then you try to slam on the brakes and magically fall asleep.
But biologically, sleep is a slow descent, not a sudden drop.
Your body needs time for:
This is your natural “sleepy slope.”
If you skip the slope, you fall right off the cliff into:
The solution is the evening transition, during which you’ll shift from doing-mode to being-mode.
Doing-mode is all about goal-oriented activities, like planning, strategizing, problem-solving… even positive but mentally taxing conversations with loved ones.
Being-mode is all about being in the here and now, with no striving, no achieving. It’s more body-focused, sensory, present, and non-productive. “Being mode” also tends to get you out of your head and into your body.
Examples include:
And a bonus tip for helping you to shift from “doing” to “being”---use an external cue. We’re so wired for getting stuff done that whenever we have some time and space, we either accidentally go into productivity-mode, or zone out with distractions. A cue in the environment that automatically goes on about an hour before bedtime helps.
Try:
Let that cue be your gateway to being-mode.
Before we wrap up, remember this:
A racing mind at night is not something we can “turn off” by brute force. In fact, we should thank our brains instead of being frustrated, because your brain has been doing its job—all day, nonstop—and it’s just trying to keep being helpful.
Helping your mind to let go at night begins with:
These three habits work with your brain, not against it. And with that, I wish you another restful night and sweet dreams.
Do you feel like you need to calm a racing mind at night? Let me know on LinkedIn at Dr. Jade Wu.
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Next week, we’ll be back again with Dr. Ellen Hendriksen! Happy New Year!