Do you need a few quick and dirty tips on how to deal with triggers?
Learn ways to calm yourself down after you’ve been triggered.
Savvy Psychologist is hosted by Dr. Monica Johnson. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
Have a mental health question? Email us at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com or leave a voicemail at 929-256-2191.
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I receive messages all the time from people telling me about their various triggers and how they wreak havoc on their lives. Do you need a few quick and dirty tips on how to deal with triggers? If so, this episode is for you!
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist. I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
Let’s start by talking about what a trigger is.
It seems like every time I interact with people on the street or on social media, they are clear with me that triggers are all around us. And quite honestly, that’s true. Some are pretty obvious—like someone who almost drowned may be triggered by watching Poseidon, a movie about a capsized cruise ship. But triggers aren’t always so clear, and basically anything has the potential to be a trigger.
That’s because, by definition, a trigger is a stimulus that provokes a reaction. As such, a trigger can be any sensory reminder, like a smell, sound, taste, visual, physical sensation, time of day, or time of year. You may not even know what all of your triggers are because there may be some that you haven’t encountered before. What’s worse, triggers can elicit a reaction that is intense, overwhelming, and occurs out of the blue.
Because of the personal nature of triggers, it's also difficult to impossible for our environments to be free of potential triggers. How is the new person you’re dating supposed to know that they use the same cologne as the person who sexually assaulted you in college? Was Barbara aware that your deceased mother always made peach cobbler before she brought it to the company potluck? Triggers are unavoidable, so learning how to cope with them when they occur is crucial.
Which brings me to one of my favorite things in the world: acronyms! And I’ve got another one for you today as we discuss how to ReGAIN your calm after being triggered.
The Re stands for recognition.
Recognizing that something has happened and that you are likely being triggered. This can be recognizing that there is a trigger in the environment, that emotions or cognitions or physical sensations that usually occur with triggers are present, or that your responses are more intense or last for longer periods of time than make sense for the circumstances at hand. In these moments, you want to remind yourself that you are remembering something upsetting from the past which is making the present moment more painful. However, this pain is grounded in the past and not in the present moment.
The G is for Grounding.
You want to ground yourself in the present moment. There are many ways that people ground themselves. One of my favorites that I use is finger tapping with either each tapping each finger against my thumb or against a surface. I find that it works on its own, but I sometimes pair the finger tapping with positive words or affirmations for an increased effect. Other forms of grounding may be breathing or relaxation exercises.
Other common grounding techniques may be counting or naming the colors or objects you see in a room. You can dictate the steps of a task like shining your shoes. Another one of my favorite grounding techniques is to recite something. Movie and book quotes are my jam.
Here is a quote that I’ve used which is a combination of recitation and giving instructions for a task—brought to you by the wonderful LL Cool J in Deep Blue Sea, when he is making his final words video. “We will start with the perfect omelet which is made with two eggs, not three. Amateurs often add milk for density; this is a mistake.” This gives me a chuckle which is also great for grounding, but then I can follow up with additional steps for making an omelet. Spoiler alert, the only cooking I do is imaginary and it always comes out perfectly.
The A in ReGAIN is for Allow.
Allowing yourself to experience whatever is happening with compassion. This means leaning into the discomfort and feeling as much as you can without becoming flooded. When we are triggered, it can trick us into thinking that the feeling can and will only get worse, but just like in physics, what goes up must come down. Although you may have confusion about what brought on the distressing thoughts and feelings, caring for yourself in that moment, the same as you would any loved one in your life, can be pain relieving.
The I is for Investigate.
While triggers may initially give you the urge to run for the hills, it may be more beneficial to be bold and stay close and curious about the trigger. Investigate the source of the trigger, how you have been triggered, and the source of the suffering as well. If you can, you may want to suss out what the trigger is. Was it something you heard, saw, or smelled? Is the trigger connected to childhood abuse, bad relationships, or your military history? What about the trigger makes it so painful? So many of my patients want to get to the root of the problem, but you must realize that you have to dig through solid earth for those revelations. Being the archaeologist of your own psyche requires patience, persistence, and a willingness to look back into our painful pasts to discover forgotten truths.
Finally, you want to non-identify, which is the N.
Nonidentify with your triggered memories, feelings, and thoughts. This is a time to remind yourself that you are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. They are an experience that you are having, but they can’t dictate who you are or how you behave.
For example, you might get triggered during an argument and all you want to do is hulk out at that moment. You may have an image of yourself growing in size and throwing furniture across the room. However, simply because that is the thought doesn’t mean it has to be the reality. You can say to yourself, “I don’t have to do what the thought is telling me to do.” Then you can tell the person you are arguing with that you need a 10-minute time out and go to the bathroom to place your face in cold water. Other examples of nonidentifying self-talk may be: “This is my childhood talking” or “Thoughts and feelings aren’t facts. This may not be true” or “I am not what happened to me.” Now that you know how to ReGAIN your calm, you can navigate a world full of triggers with greater confidence.
What’s a nonidentifying statement or affirmation that has helped you? Let me know on Instagram @kindmindpsych. You can also reach out to me via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com, or leave a voicemail at (929) 256-2191.