In this episode, we dig into what loneliness really is, how it can impact your mental health, and a few tips on how best to combat it.
In this episode, we dig into what loneliness really is, how it can impact your mental health, and a few tips on how best to combat it.
Savvy Psychologist is hosted by Dr. Monica Johnson. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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Everywhere I go, I hear about how lonely and disconnected people are. I’m bombarded with phrases like the “loneliness epidemic,” and it creates concern for me because as a psychologist, I understand the importance of community. So, today I’m going to talk about what loneliness really is, how it can impact your mental health, and a few tips on how to combat it.
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist, I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
Loneliness, as understood in psychological research, is a complex and multifaceted emotion. Loneliness is typically defined as the distressing experience that occurs when a person's social relationships are perceived to be less in quantity and quality than desired. It is important to note that loneliness is subjective; it's about how people perceive their social connections, not necessarily the number of friends or social interactions they have. One of the issues that I sometimes notice is that people will spend more time on social media and investing in parasocial relationships instead of putting those hours towards developing or maintaining relationships in their real life.
Loneliness isn’t always solely the fault of the person experiencing it. In fact there are often several different types of contributing factors. For instance there can be social factors. Things like relocation, divorce, or the death of a loved one can lead to loneliness. Situations like moving to a new city or school, where social networks are not established, can contribute to loneliness and would be considered more of an environmental factor. There are also personal factors such as introversion or low self esteem which can get in the way of exploring connections. While you may have several factors outside of your control or choosing, loneliness is still within your grasp and it’s important to engage in the steps to obtain the social connection that you desire.
But before we talk about that, let’s discuss a few of the ways that loneliness can impact your mental health. Loneliness can have significant impacts on mental health, as evidenced by a range of psychological research. The relationship between loneliness and mental health is complex and multifaceted, involving various aspects:
Increased Risk of Depression and Anxiety: One of the most well-documented effects of loneliness is its strong association with depression and anxiety disorders. The feeling of being disconnected, unsupported, and misunderstood can lead to or exacerbate symptoms of depression. Likewise, chronic loneliness can heighten anxiety, particularly social anxiety, as individuals may become increasingly worried about their social interactions and relationships.
Stress and Cortisol Levels: Loneliness can increase levels of stress and the stress hormone cortisol. This physiological change can have a broad impact on mental health, leading to issues like disturbed sleep, a heightened state of alertness that makes relaxation difficult, and an overall sense of being overwhelmed.
Impact on Self-esteem and Self-worth: Persistent feelings of loneliness can negatively affect an individual’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth. The perceived lack of social connections can lead individuals to view themselves more negatively, potentially spiraling into further social withdrawal and emotional distress.
Vulnerability to Substance Abuse: To cope with feelings of loneliness, some individuals might turn to substance abuse, including alcohol and drugs. This can create a cycle where substance abuse further isolates the individual, exacerbating the loneliness and the related mental health issues.
Cognitive Decline and Dementia Risk: In older adults, loneliness has been linked with faster cognitive decline and an increased risk of dementia. This connection suggests that social interaction plays a critical role in maintaining cognitive health.
Suicidal Ideation and Behavior: Chronic loneliness can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors, particularly if it coexists with depression and other mental health disorders.
Impact on Physical Health: While not directly a mental health issue, the physical health impacts of loneliness, such as increased risk of heart disease and weakened immune system, can further contribute to worsening mental health due to the interconnectedness of physical and mental wellbeing.
Effects on Young Adults and Adolescents: For younger populations, loneliness can be particularly challenging, impacting developmental stages crucial for forming identity and social skills. It can lead to issues like social anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships.
Changes in Brain Function: Some research suggests that loneliness can alter brain function, potentially affecting areas of the brain related to social cognition, empathy, and self-reflection.
The relationship between loneliness and mental health is bidirectional. Not only can loneliness lead to mental health issues, but existing mental health conditions can also exacerbate feelings of loneliness, creating a challenging cycle to break. This makes it important for mental health interventions to consider the role of social connections and loneliness in their therapeutic approaches.
As I already mentioned with the rise of social media and technology, we face different challenges when it comes to loneliness. Many folks have attributed the loss of third places to having also had an impact. If you haven’t heard of third place as a concept, let me explain. The first and second places are considered home and work. The third place is a social environment where you can meet or interact with others. For instance, Cheers, the bar where everyone knows your name, doesn’t exist as much anymore following the pandemic. Other examples from popular media would be Central Perk from Friends or Tom’s Diner from Seinfeld. These types of locations are harder to find because people are spending more time at home. Other examples include places of religious worship, parks, libraries, gyms, and community centers. These places still exist, so my first tip is to get out into the world on a more regular interval. Do you enjoy trivia nights, then start going to your local bar and participating, maybe you link up with some like minded individuals over your love for pop culture. If you’re religious perhaps you can look to find a local church, temple, or synagogue to worship and begin building social connections. Or if you enjoy reading, perhaps your local library has a book club. I understand that these activities take a lot of effort. I’m an introvert and every single time I’ve moved, I’ve had to get on meetup.com or use other sources to find out what is happening in my new location and for 6-12 months, I am going out and embracing the discomfort. It’s hard to make friends and I want to validate that for you.
Now let’s get into a few other strategies for coping with loneliness:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a type of therapy that helps individuals identify and change negative thought patterns. In the context of loneliness, CBT can help in challenging and altering negative thoughts about oneself and one's social situation, which can reduce feelings of loneliness.
Social Skills Training: For some, loneliness stems from difficulties in social interactions. Social skills training can help by teaching effective communication techniques, how to read social cues, and ways to build and maintain relationships.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help individuals become more aware of their present experiences, reducing the focus on feelings of loneliness. These practices can also help in managing the stress and anxiety that often accompany loneliness.
Enhancing Existing Relationships: Improving the quality of existing relationships can be more beneficial than increasing the number of social contacts. Deepening connections with family, friends, or colleagues can provide a stronger sense of belonging and reduce feelings of loneliness. When I speak with folks about this, we almost always start by reviewing the status of their current relationships and looking for ways to enhance or improve the connections they may already have.
Physical Activity: Engaging in regular physical activity can boost mood and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. Group exercise classes or sports teams also offer opportunities to meet new people. I recently had a patient who started playing sports at the Y and met both friends and potential romantic partners engaging in these activities.
Expressive Writing: Writing about your feelings can provide an outlet for expressing what you're going through. Journaling about your experiences with loneliness and related emotions can be a therapeutic practice. You all know how I feel about journaling and likely to a lesser degree other forms of expressive writing. I am a journal writer and a poet and have for a long time reaped the benefits of expressive writing. I see many judge their writing ability, but it’s not about judgment, it’s about catharsis. Journaling and expressive writing is for you.
Setting Realistic Social Goals: Setting achievable social goals, such as initiating a conversation with a colleague or attending a social event, can gradually improve confidence in social situations. You’re going to need to embrace rejection, frustration, and patience when looking to create connections with others. I know when I move to a new city and I’m attempting to make friends, if I put in consistent effort which includes going out a minimum of biweekly, I will make 1-3 friends over the course of that year. Now you may be thinking that’s a lot of work, but a real friend who is going to potentially be around the rest of your life, is worth a year of effort. The return on investment is high.
Engaging in Meaningful Activities: Participating in activities that you find meaningful can provide a sense of purpose and reduce feelings of loneliness. This might include hobbies, learning new skills, or artistic endeavors. Instead of watching someone perform a hobby or task on social media, take up the hobby yourself. I was talking to someone the other day who loves watching gardening videos and I said, what about starting your own garden. They live in the city, but we talked about options for satisfying their botanical proclivities.
Pets: For some, companionship through pets can be immensely comforting. Pets can provide unconditional love, reduce stress, and even encourage more social interaction. If you can afford it and you’re responsible enough to be a pet owner, this is a lovely way to help with loneliness.
Loneliness can be a terrible way to feel and it can lead to other negative emotions and states of being. However, like any problem, there are practical steps like the ones I’ve mentioned here that can help you to cope and hopefully reduce your loneliness overtime. If you’re struggling with this right now, you’re not alone and all of us have been in that spot before including myself. Let me know how you’re going to work on reducing your loneliness going forward and I’ll be sure to cheer you on! You can contact me via Instagram @kindmindpsych or via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com.
The Savvy Psychologist is a Quick and Dirty Tips podcast. It's audio engineered by Steve Riekeberg, with script editing by Brannan Goetschius. Our Podcast and Advertising Operations Specialist is Morgan Christiansen. Our Digital Operations Specialist is Holly Hutchings and Our Marketing and Publicity Associate is Davina Tomlin. Follow Savvy Psychologist on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. That's all for this episode of Savvy Psychologist. Thanks for listening! I'll see you next week.