540. On her final episode, Dr. Monica Johnson shares a brain dump of quick and dirty tips to help listeners build a life worth living. She looks at the benefits of being DUMB—an acronym covering Decode/Disrupt patterns, Uncomfortable Engagement, Meaning-Making/Mastery, and Belonging.
540. On her final episode, Dr. Monica Johnson shares a brain dump of quick and dirty tips to help listeners build a life worth living. She looks at the benefits of being DUMB—an acronym covering Decode/Disrupt patterns, Uncomfortable Engagement, Meaning-Making/Mastery, and Belonging.
Find a transcript here.
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Today is my last episode on the show! In honor of that, I wanted to give you a brain dump of quick and dirty tips that I use with my patients that help them build lives worth living. You've heard of SMART goals, but today I am going to talk to you about the benefits of being DUMB.
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist, I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
While I consider myself an integrated psychologist, a large part of that philosophically is DBT and in that work our aim is to help our patients build a life worth living. At the beginning of our work, this often is a laughable idea. Many of my patients have suffered for many years and the thought of such a thing seems far-fetched when your lived experience is nothing but fire and brimstone. In most situations, the fundamentals are sorely lacking. And here’s the thing, fundamentals either fix or support many of things that ail us. Everything I talk about here will be accessible to some degree to the average human being. And if you play DUMB well enough, you might find yourself being your own version of Elle Woods.
So, of course I am leaving you with an acronym because that’s kinda been one of my things this whole time.
The D is for Decode/Disrupt the patterns. As I tell my patients all the time, the first step is to stop lying to yourself and the second is to figure out how to trick yourself. What I mean by this is you have to engage in strategies that allow you to gain insight and awareness around your patterns in a non-judgmental and wholly honest way. For example, if you’re struggling with dating–is it true that all women/men are trash? No. There are likely some ways in which you are contributing to the pattern of this dynamic that are completely within your control. What are those factors? Where did they come from? How will you hold yourself accountable? And if you happen to run into someone who is a toxic human—how will you take care of yourself?
Building insight around unhealthy patterns requires both psychological awareness and compassion. From an evidence based lens, insight develops through intentional reflection, emotional literacy, and behavior tracking. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) research emphasizes identifying the thought-feeling-behavior link recognizing how automatic thoughts and emotional triggers shape recurring choices. For example, noticing that people-pleasing often follows feelings of guilt or fear of rejection helps reveal the cycle that keeps it going.
Mindfulness based interventions also support insight by cultivating nonjudgmental awareness. Studies show that observing internal experiences without immediately reacting can disrupt habitual responses and strengthen emotional regulation. This isn’t about self-blame, it’s about creating space between impulse and action so new choices become possible.
Journaling and guided reflection further enhance insight. Writing about triggering situations, bodily sensations, or repetitive emotions helps externalize patterns that may otherwise stay subconscious. Psychodynamic and schema-focused research highlights how exploring childhood narratives or core beliefs like “I’m not enough,” “Love must be earned” uncovers the roots of present day struggles.
Finally, feedback and interpersonal exploration, whether through therapy, trusted relationships, or group work are crucial. Insight grows when we allow others to shine light on our blind spots and challenge our assumptions. One of my patients calls this their challenge network and it’s certainly important.
The goal of insight work isn’t perfection; it’s pattern recognition with curiosity. When we can name the loop, we can start to loosen it. Insight is the bridge between understanding and change, one built on observation, self-compassion, and the courage to tell ourselves the truth.
Decoding and insight building lead us to identifying the ways to disrupt the pattern.
And that naturally leads us to the next letter U. Which stands for uncomfortable engagement. Uncomfortable engagement is all about expanding your capacity. This is where you engage in things that are, for lack of a better term, non-toxic triggers. Stimuli that you may not like, but are not objectively bad for you. We are all a part of the animal kingdom and learning how to navigate our environments is important. For example, if you live in the desert–it would be nice to have more rain but then it wouldn’t be a desert. Therefore, you have to learn how to survive and thrive in conditions where water can be in short supply. That’s adaptation which often involves discomfort.
Research on exposure and behavioral activation shows that avoidance temporarily reduces anxiety but reinforces fear and stagnation over time. Facing discomfort whether it’s having a hard conversation, setting a boundary, or learning a new skill activates neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself. Each time you do something hard and survive it, your nervous system learns that discomfort is tolerable, not dangerous.
Psychologist Albert Bandura’s theory of self-efficacy highlights that mastery develops through “mastery experiences” real, lived moments of doing the difficult thing and succeeding, even imperfectly. Over time, this builds confidence and emotional regulation. Similarly, research on “grit” (Duckworth, 2016) and growth mindset (Dweck, 2006) underscores that persistence in the face of challenge predicts achievement more reliably than raw talent or intelligence. This is related to my idea of being your future self’s best friend. When the current you leans into necessary challenges, fails, tries again, succeeds, etc. You learn to trust yourself, you learn that you’re capable, and you learn that purposeful pain can lead to a sustainable and fulfilling existence.
From a cultural standpoint, many of us in historically marginalized groups, like Black women, are socialized to carry strength but not always to practice self-expansion. True mastery isn’t about overworking or proving yourself; it’s about learning to tolerate the temporary discomfort that leads to authentic empowerment. I speak to my patients all the time about purposeful pain vs pointless pain. Pain is unavoidable, but pain with a purpose is values driven. There is a desired outcome attached to it. I’ve been working on my pull-ups and that process has led to my hands being sore due to poor grip strength, skin being ripped off as I develop more calluses, the whole 9. I don’t like it, it hurts, but as the weeks go on, I see all of these things improving. The pain has a purpose, it's one step toward a capacity that I am trying to develop.
Uncomfortable engagement teaches us that we can do hard things and stay whole. Each stretch expands your window of tolerance and deepens self-trust. Discomfort, when approached intentionally, isn’t a threat, it's evidence that growth is happening.
The M stands for Meaning-Making and Mastery
In my work, finding meaning and building mastery are two of the strongest predictors of psychological well-being and resilience. Meaning gives life direction; mastery gives us the confidence to walk that path.
Research from positive psychology shows that people who connect their daily actions to a sense of purpose experience higher levels of motivation, life satisfaction, and emotional stability. Meaning helps us reframe pain: it doesn’t erase hardship, but it helps us understand it as part of a larger story rather than a personal failure. For many of us from marginalized communities, this process also involves reclaiming identity and agency in systems that weren’t designed to see us thrive. Meaning-making becomes an act of resistance and restoration.
Mastery, on the other hand, comes from doing, not from perfection. Bandura’s research on self-efficacy and behavioral activation studies demonstrate that repeated engagement in challenging but attainable tasks rewires the brain to expect success. Small wins build confidence and a sense of control, even in uncertain times. Over time, mastery combats helplessness and fuels intrinsic motivation.
Together, meaning and mastery form a feedback loop: purpose drives persistence, and persistence deepens purpose. Whether through therapy, creative work, parenting, advocacy, or spiritual practice, the key is to align what you do with what matters most to you.
Which brings me to the B for Belonging
Belonging matters because it’s one of our most fundamental psychological needs. Decades of research—from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to Baumeister and Leary’s belongingness theory—show that humans are biologically and emotionally wired for connection. When we feel we belong, our brains release oxytocin and serotonin, which reduce stress, improve mood, and enhance cognitive function. Conversely, chronic loneliness is linked to depression, anxiety, cardiovascular disease, and even early mortality. Belonging literally protects our health and helps us thrive.
Practical ways to cultivate belonging:
Belonging isn’t about fitting in, it's about finding spaces where you can exhale. Evidence shows that when we feel accepted, we think more clearly, cope better, and live more meaningfully. Connection heals, and it starts one small interaction at a time. And this is coming from an introvert y’all. If you can engage in all of these elements, you can become a DUMB-ME. That’s Spelled D-U-M-B-M-E. The “Me,” is the Magical Enigma, that’s you. As Mr. Rogers said, there is only one person in the world like you. It is my greatest wish that you feed into that magic. Life is an adventure, claim your destiny, and leave your mark. On TikTok, they have the For You Page or FYP. Make FYP stand for---find your personality, find your passion, find your privacy, find your purpose, because it is my belief that that's only going to happen if you step outside the algorithm and turn your life into a large scale Where’s Waldo. Get out there and if I catch you outside, it’s all love, DUMB-ME.
Thank you for listening to this introverted psychologist for all these years. How are you going to be DUMB going forward? Let me know! You can continue to contact me via Instagram @kindmindpsych and you can reach out to Savvy Psych via the email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com.
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