533. Do you snap at your loved ones, shut down in meetings, or go to great lengths to please others? In this episode, Dr. Monica Johnson looks at the four survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. She looks at how these deeply rooted biological reactions manifest in your daily life and offers strategies for understanding your nervous system's attempts to keep you safe.
533. Do you snap at your loved ones, shut down in meetings, or go to great lengths to please others? In this episode, Dr. Monica Johnson looks at the four survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. She looks at how these deeply rooted biological reactions manifest in your daily life and offers strategies for understanding your nervous system's attempts to keep you safe.
Find a transcript here.
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You ever find yourself snapping at your partner for no real reason? Or shutting down in a meeting even though you had something important to say? Or ghosting someone even though you really like them? Or bending over backward to keep the peace even when it costs you your dignity?
That’s your nervous system doing what it thinks it needs to do to keep you safe.
These reactions have names. Let me introduce you to the trauma response squad: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. And no, this isn’t a new R&B group or a Marvel spinoff. These are deeply rooted biological responses to stress and perceived danger and when left unchecked, they can run your whole emotional life.
Let’s break them down, explore how they show up, and most importantly talk about how we can work with them instead of against them. Because you deserve to feel safe, powerful, and in charge of your life.
Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist, I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life's challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.
When your brain senses danger, real or imagined, it flips into survival mode. This happens in the amygdala. It doesn’t ask questions like, “Is this really a threat, or is this just a Zoom call with my boss?” It just reacts.
Your autonomic nervous system then sends signals through your body to prepare for danger no matter what kind it is. That process, which kicks in faster than you can say “microaggression,” is called the stress response, and it typically falls into one of four categories:
What it looks like in real life:
Fight mode can be protective, especially when we do need to stand up for ourselves. But sometimes, we fight because we feel powerless or afraid—and we’re trying to get control.
What it looks like in real life:
Flight often comes from fear of being harmed, rejected, or overwhelmed. It can feel like you’re running for your life—even when you're just running from a text.
What it looks like in real life:
Freeze is often a trauma response that kicks in when we’ve learned that speaking up or leaving isn't safe. It’s your brain’s way of saying, “Let’s play dead until the danger passes.”
What it looks like in real life:
Fawning often develops in childhood if you learned that being compliant or “good” was the only way to stay safe. Especially in families with trauma, substance use, or emotional neglect.
You may be thinking, how do I stop this? Here’s the thing: your nervous system isn’t “dramatic” or “weak.” It’s doing its job trying to protect you with old software it installed a long time ago. But the problem is, not every uncomfortable situation is a tiger at your doorstep. And as previously mentioned, your nervous system can’t update itself to modern times without your help.
Research tells us that the more we understand our nervous system, the more capacity we have to self-regulate, build resilience, and reclaim agency.
These responses aren’t character flaws. They’re survival skills. The goal isn’t to get rid of them, it’s to recognize them and respond in ways that align with who you want to be.
So, what actually helps when you notice you’re stuck in one of these responses?
1. Self-awareness is the first step.
Notice your body. Ask yourself:
Keeping a trauma response journal can help you track your patterns and begin to understand your unique nervous system map. You are not a one-size fits all human being. There is overlap in the human experience, but what something feels like in your system may be different than mine. What you may need in those moments may be diametrically different from my own. Turn inward not outward when doing this work.
2. Use somatic (body-based) strategies.
This can look like:
These all help calm the nervous system and bring you back to the window of tolerance, that sweet spot where you can feel emotions without being overwhelmed by them.
3. Create a “Safety Kit.”
This could be physical or digital. Keep it where you know you’ll remember, and include things that make you feel safe, like:
4. Get support.
Therapists trained in trauma informed approaches can help you go deeper. You don’t have to figure this out alone. Sometimes your body needs someone else to help co-regulate and rewire those deep beliefs about safety. If individual therapy isn’t for you at this time. You can choose group therapy or support groups which are often available for free or lower cost than individual therapy.
Understanding the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses isn’t about labeling yourself. It’s about giving your inner world some compassion and your healing journey some direction.
So the next time your body starts acting like it’s in a life-or-death situation over a delayed text or a weird comment from your boss, you can pause and say, “Ohhh, I see what’s happening here.” And maybe, just maybe, you can meet yourself with a little less judgment and a little more grace.
Because healing is not about being unshakable. It’s about knowing how to ground yourself when lifequakes occur. You got this. And I’ve got your back with evidenced based information to help you along the way.
Which of your survival responses are you working on? Let me know! You can contact me via Instagram @kindmindpsych or via my email at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com.
The Savvy Psychologist is a Quick and Dirty Tips podcast. It's audio engineered by Steve Riekeberg. The Director of Podcasts is Holly Hutchings. Our Podcast and Advertising Operations Specialist is Morgan Christiansen, and Nathaniel Hoopes is our Marketing contractor. Follow Savvy Psychologist on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. That's all for this episode of Savvy Psychologist. Thanks for listening! I'll see you next week.